First I want to apologize to everyone who actually reads this and missed it. A good share of the reason I have been gone is the doctors experimenting with my meds again. The 1st one didn't work at all and the 2nd left me like a zombie until the does was cut way back and I am not sure it shouldn't be cut back even more. They have collectively decided that I am bi-polar. I now understand why bi-polar people do not want to take their meds. The worst you are when you are riding the roller coaster of up and down is better than being a zombie with no feeling about anything. IT just makes you easier to live with, I am very close to quitting this one even with the very small does I am taking. I don't get depressed much anymore, but I also have no creativity left in me. It scares me that it might not come back when I quit. It hasn't gotten much better as I have cut back. I am scared that if I quit altogether I will get the deep depression, but none of the creativity again. The doctors are just experimenting on us. They even say so. They tell you that the stuff they give you helps some people. They are pretty damned vague about what it does to the others.. I have to talk to my dear sweet wife about it though. She had to live with me when I ride the roller coaster up and down. This is not easy to write about your self being bi-polar. It still has a stigma attached to it in our society and the doctors are still using us for lab rats with the meds. Now you know why I haven't been posting and why there has been no art. There has not been a bit of creativity left to get me drawing. I hope my wife can live with me if I quit talking the meds because I don't really have a life right now. The next time someone who is bi-polar says they can't not take their meds try to be more understanding. The meds may be robbing them of who they really are.
Your prayers, best wishes or what every you believe in would be appreciated so I can get my creativity back without having to spend half my time so depressed all I want to do is cry.
Larry
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3 comments:
Dearest Larry, it takes a brave and gentle heart to be so open and frank, given that society still seems to have problems with such as you and I. I thank God my illness only takes me into the deapth of dispair. Lord alone knows how anyone would manage me if I had those huge peaks as well.
I rejoice with you that Sue is such a wonderful and supportive person. It is true, 'love knows no bounds.'
I am glad to have you for my lil brother. You are alright mate. *smiles*
Blessings, love 'n hugs, with lots of prayer.
Trish ya sis from Oz
As someone who lives with a bi-polar person, I understand what you're saying. In our situation, the medicine, along with therapy, does work, thank goodness. I hope you find one that does, too, and soon. ((Larry))
Larry, Sharing this may help you, it may help others. My prayer will be that you find a balance...one that gives you peace and creativity as well. I want only the best for you and I know that you know that!! If this means you must keep experimenting to find that balance then so be it. The end is the goal..the means is the process. You and only you will know when you have found that place. No matter what you do keep lifting the pencil and applying it to the paper...as you well know sometimes you just have to draw "a thing" it's a start back into the world of creativity and the results can be not only surprising, but sometimes bring you a smile as well. Take it from someone who doesn't know what you are going through personally and would never say that I do...but from a person who has also found a time when I never dreamed I would be unable to create art. I keep trying......sometimes despite myself. For me at least therein lies the key to the door. Unlock it and see what's inside there. Nothing has to be perfect...it just needs to feel good and make you want more. I pray you will find your center again and use the key!!! Many hugs, Tess
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