Sunday, July 11, 2010

It has been a long, long time since I bothered to write a thing on my blog. I am still taking 15 mg of morphine 3 times a day. It seems to be a level that I can manage day in and day out. Cutting way back on morphine changed my ability to think clearly tremendously and I have also been more active physically even on days when I don't feel great.

There is a big downside. My marriage has not been good for the last 3 years or about the same amount of time I have been on morphine. As my thinking has gotten clearer I have had to admit that probably the only reason the marriage has lasted as long as it has is because I have been in enough of a fog to just let things slide off. The clearer my thinking has been the more stress and strife there has been in the marriage.

I don't blame my wife. It certainly is not the first failed marriage for either of us, but my record is much worse than hers. We still enjoy going and doing things together, but we don't get along living together. I am moving out and hopefully we can work things out so Sue Ann can stay in the house as long as she wants. I intend to make it as easy for her to as possible. She loves the house and her flowers but with Chronic Fatigue the house has just became more and more of a burden in my eyes.

I am hoping we can live apart and still be friends. There is no other woman and no other man. I just have to cut the stress level and we don't seem to be able to do that living together. I wish Sue Ann all the best and I hope all of my friends will too and no one takes sides even if one of us says things in anger when we are having a bad day.