Medication problems

When I started this blog I promised myself that I would write something every day. It is easy to make promises like that but sometimes life intervenes in ways that you would never expect. My pain specialist started me on a new pain medication that worked wonderful. So wonderful in fact that he asked me to quit taking one of my old medications to see if I still needed it. It was a medication that takes about two weeks to leave your system. At the end of two weeks I was a total disaster. Fighting with my wife, mad at the world, unable to think clearly and lacking in common sense at all. I was like a little boy getting ready to run away from home. I wanted out of my marriage. I wanted away from home. The thing is I had no place to go but I did not even think about that. I have one very dear friend who was able to see what was happening and convinced me to start taking my medication again. I had apologize to the people I hurt and make up with my wife. There is a moral here. If you are taking any medication (this was a pain medication) and are going to stop make sure you have someone watching your moods very carefully. Some one you trust completely. I just did as the doctor suggested with out thinking. My wife was very sick and not feeling well so she did not watch me. I could have lost everything I have because I stopped taking a medication. I am sharing this because it might help someone else even though it is not the kind of thing you do not like to share. If you are having any problems like this and need to talk I am willing to talk or find you someone who can. Remember, a friend is all that stood between me and losing all I cared about.

My art and other people

I know why I draw, but do you know why you do? If you create art for any reason other than to satisfy yourself you are going to be disappointed. No one will understand your art the way you do. They will not know what drives you to create. They will make comments that you feel are either stupid or insensitive without even knowing it. It will end up causing you to feel bad about your art and about yourself.

When I draw or paint or take photographs I do it for my satisfaction. Of course I'm such a perfectionist that usually more people approve of my final drawing painting or photograph than I do.that doesn't mean that I don't do some art that no one appreciates or understands. Sometimes even my wife's not able to pretend she likes it. But there's usually a reason. There's an emotion I need to let out or an effect I need to try.

I know from past experience and from experience with friends who are artist that if you're counting on other people's approval to make you feel good about your art you're going to be hurt, and hurt badly. it always feels great to have other people tell you that you've done something well, but that cannot be the reason that you draw or paint. And the reason certainly can't be money unless you're one of the very few who make enough money to survive as an artist.

My reasons for taking photographs are different than my reasons for painting and drawing. Usually when I take photographs it's to capture the moment. That is especially true when grand children are involved. Other times the camera is just a tool so I can take my subject home with me where I can paint it or draw it in the comfort of my own little corner of the world. But when I draw or paint I'm almost always trying to express something. If I'm drawn an old building were born I'm trying to express the history, and the years and a sense of everything that may have happened there. Other subjects may have different reasons. Usually I'm trying to express a mood or emotion. Other times I'm trying to capture mother nature and show her not as a photograph but in a way that has my feelings intertwined with how it looks.

Asking other people for help or hints or to look for mistakes is fine. But when you're satisfied with the subject it's time to ignore the critics. Just say" here it is world take it or leave it". That's not bad advice or anything that you do.

I found out today that my aunt has been told by her doctors that she can't win the battle against cancer. Her chemo is extending her life, but that is all. last week she went for her regular chemo treatment and was refused unless she paid the hospital $400 first. Her family had to hire a lawyer to get her treatment. What they did is considered refusing life saving treatment which is against the law. Of course if a person doesn't know it is against the law the hospital gets away with it.

Greed still rules in the good ole US of A. Makes you sick doesn't it?

Is anyone willing to bet that we are not going to be a 3rd world country by this time next year? Oh wait! The 3rd world countries are sinking too because the whole global economy is going at once. And we are doing such a wonderful job of leading the way to recovery aren't we.

Politics, Medical Tests & Stuff

I had another medical tests done yesterday. This one called a nerve conduction study. Basically they hook wires up to you and run electricity through you until you jump like frog legs in a frying pan. I got a copy of the test report from the doctor but I must admit I don't understand a word of it. The doctor did say that the results were normal though. I guess that's what matters most.

As for politics I keep getting more and more disgusted. One of the things that especially bothers me is the number of early and absentee ballots this election. people are voting more than a month before the actual elections not knowing what they may find out in the last few days.

more government

I keep thinking I'm not going to write any more about our government because it stresses me out so badly. Passing the bailout bill is an example of everything that's wrong with our Congress. They put every piece of earmarked pork that they could find on that bill before they voted on. Exactly what has everyone been complaining about the past two or three months? Was it earmarks by any chance? Do you think that our congressmen and senators even live in the same world that we do? Does I haven't found anyone yet who can actually calculate how much more the bill is going to cost now. Our government and our country is already on a decline and these idiots have just given us a huge shove down the hill. I am afraid for what is going to be left for our children and grandchildren. I am as angry as I can be and I firmly believe that everyone who voted for this bill should be thrown out of office. Yes, something needed to be done, but not this idiocy. Our congressmen and senators treat us like we were idiots not smart enough to see what they're doing. If we keep reelecting them we are idiots. so far most of the population has proven in Congress right. It's time to put your brain back in gear, find out who your congressmen and senators are, how they voted and deal with them accordingly. I am sorry this is not done about art for the last couple of days, but the life of our very country stands in the balance. Worse yet, both of our presidential candidates voted for this mess. This is another election where I don't know who I like. Just two I dislike the least. Several of our founding fathers would have been in favor of a revolt long before now. Of course with this administration just speaking of such a thing can attract yourself more attention than you would ever want to have. We have a megalomaniac idiot in office and I hate to admit it but I voted for him.

Next time I may tell you how I really feel that that is all I can stand tonight.

Our government

I really wish I had something to write, but you need to be doing things before you can write about it. I could write about the elections but that would be depressing. Or the economy which would be even more depressing. Or our congress which might be the most depressing yet.

I feel personally like there are no good choices for president. There are even fewer choices about the economy. Everyone is screaming that we have to do something, but then they admit that they don't really know what will work. I do believe that Congress actually listened to the people and voted the bailout down. They are getting calls and emails at the rate of 100 to 1 against the bailout and still nearly half of the Congress men voted for it. The Senate thinks they know better than we do which is normal. get elected to the Congress or Senate and they seem to think they automatically know more than anyone else. How is that? They were just like us one day and an expert the next? I don't think so. If anything they get stupid once they are elected. Want proof? Want to be frightened before Halloween read the bill they are trying to pass. It is so full of pork it is a wonder it doesn't squeal. And still they admit they don't know it will help. It is a case of we don't know what to do, but we have to do something so lets spend nearly a trillion dollars.

It is still doing more to save big business than it is to protect you and me. I personally am sick of the so called experts talking to us like we were children telling us what has to be done when they can not even promise it will help or tell us why it will help. 70% of the population is still against the bailout. But you wait and see. Our duly elected representatives of our government of the people, by the people and for the people will still do what they want no matter what we think. It is really government of greed, corruption and who offers the most money under the table. Government does not represent us nor does it work in our best interests. You can bet that if elections were not so close that this bailout would be written in even worse terms than it is now.